Hotel for Ghosts

This is Not a Test (2026)

Something mildly interesting happened to me when I went to see This is Not a Test (2026), the new zombie movie based on a book I haven’t read and have no recollection of as part of the wider pantheon of zombie stories. I was sitting in my seat, the sole movie goer for this particular picture. At least, that was how it seemed when I had bought my ticket and arrived at the theater. But as I sat there, eating my popcorn and drinking my frozen drink, I heard the sound of another person. At first, I thought it might be an employee of the theater, but it was actually a group, four or five strong, of people who I don’t think are employees of the theater. They took notice of me almost immediately and one of them, a tall man, approached me. He asked me why I had decided to see that movie. I was caught off guard and still recovering from a full day of surprisingly social work training. So, I told him I was bored and wanted to see a movie. I keep my movie stubs close to my chest. My fellow movie goer accepted my answer and asked if I liked zombie films. I do. So, he proceeded to tell me that one of the people in his group was one of the zombies in the film. He pointed to the back of her head and told me she’d be somewhere in the film’s first few minutes. That was it, he returned to his group and I continued snacking.

As the trailers passed and the opening moments of the film began, I felt an unusual anticipation. I was waiting for this mystery woman’s cameo in the film as an unnamed zombie. Of course, I wouldn’t really know her when and if she showed up, though in the moment I felt like I would somehow recognize her, that I would see a zombie and recognize them the way a character in this kind of film notices a neighbor or a work acquaintance, covered in blood both their own and from unwilling donors, who has risen from the dead to advance the new world order. I think I had assumed her group would react loudly to her appearance, or that the tall man would look back at me in acknowledgement. But neither of these things happened. The opening minutes came and went as did the rest of the film, and I walked out unsure about whether or not that faceless girl was in the film or if this was just some kind of strange joke.

As far as zombie films go, this one was perfectly fine. It was good but unremarkable, and I probably would have forgotten it in the coming years if not for the tall man and his group. But as I sit here writing this not quite an essay about my experience, I can’t help but feel that my, at best, mildly amusing anecdote was thematically fitting for this film, and for zombie films as a whole. I, like the survivors of countless worlds doomed by some variant of zombie apocalypse, am left to wander the world in a sort of agnosticism. Why did the zombies show up? What do we do now that the systems that shaped our lives have been hallowed out like the space beneath the ribs of a zombie’s victim? Was that girl actually in the movie?